Sorry this is late, but I mock The Walking Dead not The Governor’s version of Weekend At Bernies. Also, I got a little tied up with some work related to the Montreal Sauce podcast. We open on The Governor, oh I am sorry, Brian doing laundry and playing chess with his new baby daughter. Chess! Aren’t we a thought provoking, intelligent show? Sigh. So, if the chess board isn’t enough metaphor in your face, Brian Governor is doing laundry, see a clean slate. Between dialogue of Brian Gov telling the little girl to make her move because she doesn’t have all the time in the world & how his daddy beat him (sometimes I wonder how many people I would have to employ to count the clichés in this show), we get flashbacks of Martinez pulling him out of the hole and laying down the law. Martinez is boss & everyone contributes. My home office has a popcorn or Stucco ceiling. I think I will try to count the bumps to defer my boredom.
Speaking of ceilings, we’re treated to watching a leak in the ceiling of Brian Gov’s new trailer.
“Man, did you see that Walking Dead episode last night?”
“Oh my God! The ceiling, am I right?”
“That was so wicked! I love that show.”
So some new guy gets aggressive with Brian Gov as they go on a supply run. I think were supposed to be tickled because this new guy has no idea how evil Brian Gov can be. Of course, I spent all last season blogging about how little The Gov did at all. The cast acting like they were scared of him did all the work to build his reputation, no real deeds on his part. Thus, I am surprised about the rumors that AMC is giving him a lead role in another show. Perhaps, they will encounter some good old fashion quicksand on their supply run. Did you know that quicksand is a fetish for some people? Bless the interwebs.
The gang is headed to a cabin of a survivalist to look for supplies.They find a decapitated body tied to a tree with a sign on it that says “Liar.” Meanwhile back in the new camp, Brian Gov’s concubine, Gullible, is treating people’s wounds. Her completely annoying sister with the bad dialogue, let’s call her BIg Bang Theory, is chatting up Alicia, a former marine with a tank. Did I not tell you there would be a garish tank? Big Bang Theory is being one-dimensional, trying too hard and wouldn’t even be charming with a laugh track as she harasses Alicia about her gun. Chicks bonding over guns? This show is overtly American.
The gang creeps up on the cabin and finds another decapitated body with a sign that reads, “rapist.” Remember all the heads that Brian Gov had in his basement? They open the patio door to find a man who shot himself in the head with a sign that reads “murderer.” They send Brian Gov in first because Martinez is the boss. He ain’t loading the truck no more! They’re very cautious because they hear thumping which they assume is walkers. Hey, it could be the dryer going. Oh, token walker attack. This is, of course The Governor centric show so he does all the killing while the others watch. Oh hey, it’s the 2 zombified heads of the guys they found earlier rolling around on the floor.
The “murderer” guy on the patio had a picture of his family that Brian Gov took and now obsesses over. Martinez tells Brian Gov that he wouldn’t have let him into camp if he was by himself. They drink beers that they found and tell their stories. Seriously, I heard about this quicksand fetish on RadioLab. If you prefer reading, you can check out this article on the rise and fall of quicksand in our culture from Slate. There are those that like to watch & sinkers, people who “enjoy” the feeling of quicksand.
Back at the camp everyone drinks at a picnic table and the topic turns to Woodbury. Brian Gov shies away from talking about his other life. Big Bang Theory thankfully excuses herself and Alicia from the conversation. The baby daughter complains that the roof is leaking again. So we get treated to that. Again. Yay. Martinez stumbles up drunkenly and then he and Brian Gov go hit golf balls off the top of a trailer. Hey, remember that from I Am Legend or every other post apocalyptic film?
Brian Gov whacks Martinez on the back of the head with a golf club & drags him to a pit full of biters. There’s a camp meeting and the gang announces that Martinez got drunk and fell in a hole. Oops. The guys Brian Gov bonded with earlier take him on another hunt for supplies in the woods. Why not? Just the other day I went for a walk in the wilderness and found bandages growing on a tree. Oh, hey! Another camp. Let’s rob them, says one brother. Nope, new leader dude is not having it. That’s wrong. Brian Gov remains quiet. Are you feeling tingly thinking about all this quicksand stuff? The sinkers even have a Google Map showing the best places to “enjoy” yourself.
Cut to lots of scenery to fill time, but no cheesy music video this time. Then they show the new leader with a few squirrels for eating. Brian Gov walks back to the new camp they found and everyone is dead. Killed by people, not biters. See, it’s a blaring lesson because all the supplies are gone. They could have murdered everyone and the supplies would be theirs.
Brian Gov returns to their camp and tells his new fam-damnly to pack their things because they’re leaving. He thinks there’s going to be a power struggle in the camp? Anyway, they drive off and because the writers are desperate to remind us this is a zombie show we have to encounter a bunch of biters stuck in the mud of the road, like quicksand! So he goes back to the camp. Brian Gov is stuck like the biters. He has to be who he is.
The next morning he puts on his weapons, goes to the new leader’s camper and kills him. Then, Brian Gov moves to the next camper to talk to the brother who wanted to waste the camp they found in the woods to recruit him to The Governor side.
Cut to a fun scene of The Governor giving orders, some of the new baby daughter playing tag with Big Bang Theory and then The Governor and Gullible sharing a romantic scene. Token walker attack on the little girl ends in The Governor saving the day. Then, we get to see him on a dock where he dumped the body of the new leader. The Governor didn’t destroy the brain, so now the new leader biter is trying to get at him from under the water, but he’s wearing cement shoes or weighted down. See, The Governor is evil or something. Finally the show cuts to The Governor driving to the Prison to ogle Rick & Michonne.
See the leaky ceiling is his motivation to attack Rick and Michonne. He doesn’t want to live like he’s camping all his life. The Governor wants to live in a dark, drab prison. Sure. Meanwhile, you’ve decided it’s a bit strange to want to sink yourself in mud. Maybe you’re a watcher, not a sinker? Have a look at this scene from Supergirl and see if it makes you twitterpated. If it does, there’s a list of quicksand scenes maintained by watchers.
Personally, I haven’t found any of this quicksand stuff exciting. I guess I am one of your run of the mill, boring perverts. The only quicksand video I like is this one from Robot Chicken illustrating the Kübler-Ross stages of grief.